Vitamin Sea

The ocean makes me feel alive!! It gives me a sense of passion and purpose even when I can’t or don’t feel that myself. It makes me feel I can brave anything, it gives me a sense of clarity even if for a brief moment or a few. I can bathe in this feeling and use it to carry me into the rest of my day. It may not stay with me the whole day. I may still get frustrated and stuck but I know that I did better because I gave those moments to myself. Whether it’s in reality or in a feeling, life is just a series of moments, you create these moments any way you like, one moment at a time you can make a difference. So I ask you… What is your Vitamin 🌊 ?

Don’t take things personally…

 

How do you not take things personally? Well this is a hard one and an ongoing battle at times.  I can’t say I’m always very good at this but what I can tell you is that it’s like a muscle, you have to exercise it and the more you exercise it the better you get at it.

For me this is an ongoing ‘checking in’ with myself.  I try to remember that whatever someone says or does is actually nothing to do with  me and more of a reflection of what is going on for them.  This perspective allows me to have some compassion and drop into a space of curiosity to gain greater understanding about what is really going on.

I try to see things from the perspective that if someone does or says something that hurts me, then it’s my responsibility to figure out what it triggers in me and either let it go or have a conversation with the person about it.  It doesn’t mean I have to be ok with their behaviour but what it does mean is that I can feel more empowered!  I can allow for other possibilities and can be less affected by how their behaviour impacts me.

In any given situation we can act from one of two places – love or fear.  They say that you don’t see the world as it is, you see it as you are.  So if you are struggling with this spend some time on how you would prefer to see the world and work on that.

The hidden gifts of grief

 

So what have I learnt about grief….

Grief is hard, it is sad, it is painful.  It is never easy and can feel like you can’t live another day in a world that has been so deeply changed by your loss.

The loss of someone you love or care about is never easy but for me it wasn’t the loss of the person itself that I grieved most but the loss of the ‘what was’ (all the experiences and moments in my heart and mind that we shared together) and the ‘what was to come’ (all the unspoken promises of the future, the memories we were going to make, the moments we were going to share and the things we were going to do together).

I used to wait for all these feelings to go away.  I thought that one day in some time frame, some big event or magical day would come and my grief would just disappear and no longer be there.  Years later I realised it didn’t work like that.   I did everything possible to try and prevent my heart from feeling this pain.  I went through all the stages of grief, or so I thought, and wondered why I still wasn’t feeling ok.  On some level I was continuously trying to feel my pain through a rational lens.

So what did I do?  I took solace in my heart.  I leaned into the pain, not all at once, and not all on my own.  It wasn’t easy but I sought professional help and worked through it in bite size pieces.  I learnt to ‘have a cup of tea’ with my emotions and I listened to what they were trying to tell me about my experiences.

Before I went through this process I couldn’t see how much I still had to offer myself and the world.  I was buried under a pit of sadness I’d falsely identified as myself and I thought it was insurmountable.  Now when things get tough, and they do, I see myself as a bit of an explorer.  I go exploring… I dig deep and I excavate parts of myself and my truth that I’d previously ignored. I bring them up, I dust them off and I reclaim them as my own again.

We tend to as humans try to rationalise our grief and put socially acceptable time-frames on our feelings, but the heart does not recognise this.  The heart only knows it feels pain, and it is our job to cradle that pain and simultaneously give ourselves the love, care, tenderness and hope we so deeply deserve during this time.  That’s what keeps the spirit going.  Redefining myself in this way has given me more meaning then I knew was possible and has been one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself.

My business dream to make a difference

Hello everyone!!! I know it’s been a while since I have posted.  Since coming back from overseas I have been working out how I can best walk my talk and Live Authentically! So I have decided to bite the bullet and even though it’s scary I am going to start my own business and help others to also live authentically, whatever that means for them.

You see I have a BIG dream, a goal, a vision, to really make a difference in this world.  I want to create a world where people feel safe to be who they really are.  A world where people feel they can take the time to look inside themselves and get to know the person they are underneath all the layers.  A world where figuring out who you are and what’s most important to you isn’t a foreign concept.  A world where people feel more fulfilled and inspired to live the life they want for themselves. I want live in a world where people dream big, believe that anything is possible and are given the opportunity to do this every single day.

My goal is to start a business in which this world can be a reality for people.   I want to help people live with more passion and purpose then they’ve ever felt before.  In this world people are shown a different way of being and create new pathways for themselves.  My background is Youth Work, Kinesiology and Art Therapy.  With these skills I will provide a service that helps peolple identify and remove any stressors, barriers or blocks that get in the way of them achieving their goals and dreams.

My business will include one whole day a week where I will give back to the community.  I will provide my services, time and resources (for free) to those who need it the most and could not otherwise afford these services.

Throughout my time I have some seen some amazing examples of people making a difference when they have the opportunity to do so and the right supports in place. Please help me achieve my goal so that I can set up my business and be in position to fully give of myself to others.  Let us create a world together where anything is possible.

In the process I also aim to inspire and help others to do the same.  I want to create a community and culture around this philosophy of giving. One that values giving in service to others and contribution for the greater good above and beyond making money.

Please visit my Go Fund Me page https://www.gofundme.com/business-dream-to-make-difference and share as much as possible to anyone who may be interested in supporting this vision.

I will be using the donations from this campaign to acquire the business skills necessary for me to be able to launch my business, all set up costs, equipment and stationery needs etc.

I am already so grateful for having the opportunity to share this vision with you.

Thank-you,
LA

Tying up loose ends!

Yes I’m really leaving today for 5 months! This isn’t just any trip, it’s a spiritual pilgrimage, my pilgrimage!  I will journey across six countries and will traverse many lands, but the most importantly I will go through the land inside myself.  I will explore aspects of myself that I’m not even sure I know yet.

We don’t often take the time to reflect in life but over the last four months I’ve had to. The journey began for me the moment I decided I was going on this trip.  I have been tested and challenged like never before and at times didn’t know how I was going to get through!  I have laughed and cried, I have grieved like never before, I have felt fear and anxiety far beyond what I even thought was even possible and I’ve said goodbye’s to people that I thought were going to be in my life for the long haul.

When I planned this trip I didn’t realise how much of a commitment I was really making to myself.  This experience has shown me how powerful it really is! Someone recently said to me when hearing about my trip, “You are committing both your present and future self to this” That has really stuck with me! How cool is that we as humans if we choose can commit a part of ourselves to something so significant that will inevitably change us and potentially the course of our life. Now that is trust!

So what else have I learnt:

• It doesn’t matter where you are in the world, your world is still always within you
• Courage can be summoned in any moment even when you haven’t been able to summon it before and even if you didn’t realise you had it all there
• With enough love, commitment and dedication to yourself you can conquer anything
• Fear can really f*** with you but if you learn to lean into the process, peel it back one step at a time, get some good supports around you, professional help if you need it and really feel it, you CAN and WILL get through it
• You can get through challenges far beyond what you thought was possible especially if you hang in long enough
• Like a young child that needs to be nurtured and healed back to life through love, we too as adults sometimes needs this, give that gift to yourself
• Making a commitment to yourself and your life to live, be and do what is really truly important to you will be one of the most life changing and important decisions you could ever make for yourself, your world and the world around you

I’m still nervous as hell, get anxious, and scared but all the while going through the process and super excited what lies ahead on the road for me!  What I do know is this, these things do not have to be felt in isolation and they certainly don’t have to be felt independently of each other!

Love… The ultimate test!

If you’ve read my post “Breaking Free” you will know that I am going travelling soon and you’ll know what it’s taken for me to get this point.  I thought I’d faced all my challenges when I wrote that post but what was to happen next was not what I was expecting and it was one of the ultimate tests… Love!

What have I learnt… ?

• Love is a very powerful force but most powerful when it is directed toward the self
• Letting go is love and love is also letting go
• Surrendering into the deep sea of the unknown no matter how scary it is a necessary and vital part of growing
• The more you “feel the fear and do it anyway” the more you will feel it and do it anyway again next time
• It doesn’t matter what it is, how long you’ve had it or how much you’ve wanted it… Like a child throwing a paper plane off the edge, you watch it fly, hope it lands safely and get ready to do it all over again
• Loving yourself above and beyond all else, even when it’s hard, even when it’s scary and even when it means potentially hurting someone else… It is still one of greatest gifts you will ever give to yourself, and ultimately to the other person

 

 

Breaking free

How do you break free something that just doesn’t feel right, whether it’s a situation, job or relationship… You may not know why it doesn’t feel right or you may.  Either way these situations can often become all consuming, exhausting and leave you a little brain dead.  Sometimes you know you are settling for less that you believe you are worthy of, sometimes you haven’t even worked that out yet.   Often you question yourself and wonder why.  You’ve lost your ability to think clearly and you shy away from talking about what you’re experiencing because for some reason your feelings aren’t validated or you’re not sure that what you’re feeling is ok to feel and taking action becomes really difficult.

Often people stay in things that are no longer serving them because is it the all too familiar comfortable thing even when it is painstakingly uncomfortable.  For some reason we have been bought up to believe that you stay in something even if it’s not working because that’s just what you do, you tough it out like a good battler and don’t risk changing because it could be worse on the other side… or the other million reasons you could insert here.

Well all of this and more is where I found myself.  On the brink of self destructive behaviours and thoughts I knew were not really what I wanted for myself, I was left feeling powerless and empty.  From the outside you would never know this about me.  I had a successful job, good family and friends, I am a decent human being, I have a roof over my head, food to eat etc.  I appear to be a very happy go lucky smiley friendly kinda girl but on the inside I was dying.  I knew I couldn’t continue living in this way, I felt I was doing myself a disservice and nothing I did could take away the feeling that I was being a fraud and living a life that was inauthentic for me… So I made myself stop and reassess.

I remember looking around thinking I didn’t belong here and knew if I didn’t drastically change my circumstances I was going to become a fatal victim of myself, either through a somewhat spontaneous self combustion or a slow and painful death through poor life choices. I’d already been doing this for 8 years so knew the cycle well but this time something was different.  I knew I was no longer willing to give into any of the previous shit I’d been doing like saying yes to things I didn’t want to because I was worried about what other people would think. I decided I wasn’t going to stay in anything that didn’t feel good or give me an equal or greater energy exchange regardless of the reason.  Previously I was living a life I thought I was suppose to, one I thought was expected of me, where this came from I don’t know but I was trying to live up to other people’s standards and I was exhausted from it.  It created a vast amount of mental health issues for me and at times almost death.

So for the first time probably ever I decided I was going to consistently think of myself: Who am I? What do I value? What is going to make me feel fulfilled? What sort of life do I want for myself? and the list goes on…. As a first step I decided I was going to travel.  This was the one thing I knew and have consistently wanted for the last 10 years of my life.  So I gave myself permission to do it… I made an itinerary that includes healing, loving and nurturing myself for 5 whole months! While it scares the shit out of me I know it’s exactly what I need to do and it’s deeper symbolic meaning of giving myself permission to be myself and do what is right for me far outweighs any fear I have.

To start with I’m going back to my roots in Fiji to reconnect with my family and culture.  It’s really important to me to know where I come from so for two weeks I will be getting to know more about myself through my family, my heritage and the generational links that I will discover.  I will then travel to USA where I will spend 3 months in a place I call my home away from home.  This place is where I first discovered who I really was without all the other indoctrinated shit we are conditioned to believe about ourselves and life and it has become a really strong pillar for me.  I call this place my spiritual home and I know it is here I will rediscover aspects of myself that I have long forgotten. After that I will travel to South America where I will partake in a healing retreat, Machu Picchu Trek and carry on to see Bolivia, Chile and Argentina.  This final part will seal my spiritual pilgrimage but really it is not the end, this is just the beginning for me…

This is my trip of a lifetime!  I know so many good things will come from this trip but really the trip started the moment I decided to make a change, stand up for myself, honour myself and do what I really wanted and dreamed of for myself.   I have three months until I depart and this hasn’t come easy and nor did it just magically happen. While the universe has totally blessed me with support along the way, I’ve worked my ass off through some potentially (perceived/or real) unsurmountable challenges that I would not have been able to get through had I not made the commitment to myself that no matter what happened absolutely nothing was going to get in the way of me and this trip!

The first step for me was that decision to make a change. So I leave you with this… What is it that you really want that you would do absolutely anything for no matter what challenge came your way??? When you have the answer you know where your heart if is taking you.  Remember, what ever it is that you want, it is only one thought away from becoming a real possibility…